tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-54951941776987801182024-03-14T00:01:38.357-07:00mccord wisdomBitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-61494835824289196982013-07-24T20:49:00.001-07:002013-07-24T20:49:57.118-07:00Father Son bondingReid: Dad?<br />
<br />
Miah: *turns down the radio*<br />
Yeah Bud?<br />
<br />
Reid: what does "serpentine" mean?<br />
<br />
Miah: snake like.<br />
<br />
Reid: okay...can you turn it back up?<br />
<br />
You know where you are? You're in the jungle baby! You're gonna DIIIIIEEEE!<br />
<br />
<br />
your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-51014536073030764242013-05-01T14:14:00.001-07:002013-05-01T14:16:36.395-07:00Farts. The best conversation EVER.Reid: EEEEEEWWWWW! Gross Finn! Your fart smells like rotten eggs!<br />
<br />
Me: all farts smell bad Reid.<br />
<br />
Finn: yeah. Except for Jesus's farts.<br />
<br />
Me: Jesus's farts don't smell bad?<br />
<br />
Finn: No. Well, YOU know.<br />
<br />
Me:?<br />
<br />
Finn: ALL angels farts smell good.<br />
<br />
Me: They do?<br />
<br />
Finn: Yeah, of course. Like the tooth fairies farts.<br />
<br />
Me: What do the tooth fairies farts smell like?<br />
<br />
Finn: Chocolate chip cookies.<br />
<br />
Me: They DO?!<br />
<br />
Finn: Well, every night I lose a tooth, I hear a 'buuuurrttt', and then I smell chocolate chip cookies. So...<br />
<br />
Reid: Wow. Great imagination Finn.<br />
<br />
Finn: Oh, it's NOT imagination. You'll see.<br />
your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-56144098400523069732013-04-20T17:09:00.001-07:002013-04-20T17:09:29.694-07:00LobstersFinn: Are Starbucks and Target on the same team, like is that why there is a Starbucks in Target?<br />
<br />
Me: It's beneficial to both of them. Someone might come in for coffee, and realize they need laundry detergent. Or some one might do their Target shopping, and then want a coffee.<br />
<br />
Reid: Kind of like at Albertsons? Like someone might go grocery shopping at Albertsons, and then see the Starbucks and get a coffee, or someone might go to Starbucks for a coffee and remember they need a loaf of bread from Albertsons.<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah, kind of the same thing. A little different cause the Starbucks is inside the Target. But, yeah, pretty much.<br />
<br />
Finn: Oh, okay, so kind of like a lobster, who lost his shell, and that was the first Starbucks, but then he found another shell, which is the other Starbucks.<br />
<br />
Me: ...??????<br />
your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-40757325744745869782013-04-14T16:04:00.001-07:002013-04-14T16:04:21.659-07:00(Yelling across the house)<br />
<br />
Finn: Mooooooom! What makes the "ol" sound?!<br />
<br />
Me: you tell me!<br />
<br />
Finn: ..."L"? Just "L" by itself??!<br />
<br />
Me: That depends. Tell me what word it's in!<br />
<br />
Finn: "Asshole!"<br />
<br />
Me: what are you doing in there?!<br />
<br />
Finn: making a mii guy! His name is asshole!your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-49313373363123087932013-04-08T15:42:00.001-07:002013-04-08T15:42:44.588-07:00Look at thisFinn: Mom!!! Get in here you gotta see this!!<br />
<br />
Me: what is it?<br />
<br />
Finn: just come look!!<br />
<br />
Me: what IS it??<br />
<br />
Reid: Holy SHOOT mom!! You better come look at this!!<br />
<br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-q6MnxgOL_HA/UWNH2ZYIUVI/AAAAAAAAAYI/eyVAr4Ze7tE/s640/blogger-image--545581656.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-q6MnxgOL_HA/UWNH2ZYIUVI/AAAAAAAAAYI/eyVAr4Ze7tE/s640/blogger-image--545581656.jpg" /></a></div>your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-11739484093536030412013-02-06T12:22:00.001-08:002013-02-06T12:25:44.211-08:00<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-07Noks-1ISY/URK64hUBlQI/AAAAAAAAAGw/gUU8IsWCUbg/s1600/pearl.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-07Noks-1ISY/URK64hUBlQI/AAAAAAAAAGw/gUU8IsWCUbg/s320/pearl.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Isn't it purty!!! I know it. I was a birthday gift from my father in law :) Of course I put it on right away, and haven't taken it off. So sweet of my children to notice...<br />
<br />
Finn: Mom, I am <i>really</i> glad you got that necklace.<br />
<br />
Me: I know! Me too! It so beautiful huh!<br />
<br />
Finn: Yeah, I am just really glad you have it, ya know, in case of emergencies.<br />
<br />
Me: ? I dont see how its going to help out in an emergency...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-07Noks-1ISY/URK64hUBlQI/AAAAAAAAAGw/gUU8IsWCUbg/s1600/pearl.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
Finn: Ya know, if you fall...and you cant get up...you can push that button...and someone will come and help you.<br />
<br />
*****crickets*****<br />
<br />
Reid: He thinks it a life alert, Mom.<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah, I got it thanks.<br />
<br />
<br />
Fuck, kid. I may do an inordinate amount of falling, but I can typically, get myself back up. Thanks for your <i>concern</i>, dude.Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-1530044365772440032013-02-04T07:25:00.003-08:002013-02-04T08:15:13.175-08:00It has been SOOOO long since I posted. My family is still quite entertaining (see, infuriating), but I've just been putting their shit on FB. Which is WAY easier, but doesn't give me the permanent record. So, I am back. Cause these dudes need to be able to look at this when they're grown, cause Kristina said it will make them think I am cool...or, quite possibly THE WORST MOM EVER. Lucky for you guys, <i>I don't give a fuuuuuuck. </i>I also apparent set up a FB page for this shit, some time ago, so I might get that crap going. Now, speaking of poop...<br />
<br />
<span style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">Finn: hey guys, guess what?! Wast night, my poop made an "e"!</span><br />
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
Reid: an upper case "E"?</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
Finn: no! A wower case "e"! Duh.</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
Reid: oh, sorry, I am F wording tired.</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
Finn: yeah, my F wording neck hurts.</div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); font-family: '.Helvetica NeueUI'; font-size: 17px;">
Reid: F word.</div>
Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-91270466570717398412012-09-19T09:05:00.004-07:002012-09-19T09:16:32.258-07:00All I am sayin' is that if you don't have kids, and your planning on having some, you better get over ALL you insecurities <i>reeeeeal</i> quick like. Cause those little fuckers, speak the truth, and you cant take it personally. Or you will have <i>a fucking mental break down.<br /><br /><br /></i><br />Finn: Hey Mom, Reid has a boney butt, and you have a bloody butt.<br /><br />Me: Bloody? There blood? On my butt?<br /><br />Finn: No, its bloody, cause its fat, its full of blood.<br /><br />Me: ???<br /><br />Finn: What? Your butts fat. *shrugs*<br /><br />Me:?<br /><br />Finn: What? You have a fat. butt. <br /><br />Me: *head tilt* ???<br /><br />Finn: What??? Why are you looking at me like that? I am just saying, you have a fat butt. Its fat. your butt. Its pretty fat.<br /><br />your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-63113205269733603222012-09-05T08:20:00.003-07:002012-09-05T08:24:37.598-07:00On the election...Reid: I have always thought that name was cool. "Baracko". Don't you think.<br /><br />Me: Baracko?<br /><br />Reid: Yeah, Baracko Bama. I like his first name.<br /><br />Me: Yeah, I guess its pretty sweet.<br /><br />Reid: What do all the numbers mean? Like " hes up blah blah percent"?<br /><br />Me: They ask a bunch of people who they're going to vote for, and then they put the percentages on TV, last time I saw it was about 50, 50. Half for Romney, Half for Obama...<br /><br />Finn: DARK HELMET PLAYS WITH DOLLS.<br />your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-35151082458940217312012-07-11T07:35:00.000-07:002012-07-11T07:46:38.137-07:00<i>This is some wisdom from Miah, he's no Finn or Reid, but he cracks my shit up on a regular basis. It's what keeps our marriage going strong...that and his rockin body...and alcohol.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
At the Legoland water park, floating down the lazy river:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Miah: What's with all the "rules" at this water park? You have to sit a certain way in the tubes? There weren't rules like this at the water parks I went to as a kid.<br />
<br />
Me: I am sure there are now. If they're in CA. You might be able to go to West Virgina, or Kentucky for some lawless water park fun.<br />
<br />
Miah: Can you fuck your sister there?<br />
<br />
Me: Yeah, I don't see why...wait, <i>at</i> the water park?<br />
<br />
Miah: Yeah.<br />
<br />
Me: I mean, sure, I guess, maybe it depends on the county?<br />
<br />
Miah: But no brother on brother?<br />
<br />
Me: Of course not! Not in the Bible Belt! Sheese.Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-59560453015811817922012-07-07T16:46:00.000-07:002012-07-11T07:47:10.520-07:00Wipe my assFinn: Can I help you with your Star Wars Legos?<br />
<br />
Reid: If you wipe my butt every time I have diarrhea for the rest of my life?<br />
<br />
Finn: hummmmmm, okay! I am in, wets do it.Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-6845129799410561882012-07-06T20:12:00.001-07:002012-07-11T07:47:48.972-07:00Finn: Are we high up?<br />
<br />
Miah: No, we're at sea level, we're pretty low. You could say, we're in "limbo".<br />
<br />
Finn: What's a limo?<br />
<br />
Miah: A long shiny black car.<br />
<br />
Finn: So we're in a long shiny black car?<br />
<br />
Miah: yep.Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-7251041254633598042012-06-09T16:29:00.002-07:002012-06-09T16:29:29.901-07:00Finns advice for the day:
"Don't stab your self in the nuts."Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-35410682585761079942012-06-03T17:56:00.004-07:002012-06-03T18:17:30.117-07:00The King of NonsequtiersFinn: Mom!! I need the symbol, to put on my shirt, so I can be Symbol Man!!<div><br /></div><div>Me: What symbol?</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: The purple and yellow one!</div><div><br /></div><div>Me:What purple and yellow one?</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: The purple and yellow on that was in the green and gray thing!! </div><div><br /></div><div>Me: I <i>literally</i>, have no idea what your talking about.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: Yes you do. Why do you say you don't when I <i>know</i> you do?</div><div><br /></div><div>Me: I really don't Finn. No clue, none at all.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: Just...forget it Mom. Ill figure it out my self. God.</div><div><br /></div><div>...................................................................................................</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><div>Me: Finn, what dress should I wear tomorrow to your party?</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: The one with the polka dots.</div><div><br /></div><div>Me: The white one? With the red polka dots?</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: No. The red one, with the white polka dots.</div><div><br /></div><div>Me: Remember? I can't find that one.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: Remember? You have two?</div><div><br /></div><div>Me: Remember? The other one has a hole.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finn: ....... Chicken Little.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>FIN</div></div>your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-18836298325960224992012-05-29T12:56:00.002-07:002012-05-29T13:29:12.459-07:00You can shut it now old ladyReid: Mom, do you like American Idol?<br /><br />Me: No, I dont. And Ill tell you why, its not about whos the <span style="font-style: italic;">best</span> singer, its a <span style="font-style: italic;">total</span> poplarity contest. I watched the very first season, and never again after that, because the first season, was (pause)...it was (trying to think of the word)...<br /><br />Reid: In black and white?<br /><br />Jesus. Fuck.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-89452439811591152272012-05-28T21:00:00.003-07:002012-05-28T21:01:36.093-07:00<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-47QXeP3SAmU/T8RKDT0eqVI/AAAAAAAAALw/9GZiEAwj92U/s1600/topperdumper.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-47QXeP3SAmU/T8RKDT0eqVI/AAAAAAAAALw/9GZiEAwj92U/s400/topperdumper.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5747800445152045394" border="0" /></a><br />And in case anyone missed it. That family photo the screams "love", and also "what stinks?"your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-60265770443372929452012-05-28T20:38:00.007-07:002012-05-28T21:03:03.220-07:00A lesson in religion, and by lesson, I mean nothing even resembling a lesson.Me: whats going on here?<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NANbdfW5kFg/T8RFUryFLKI/AAAAAAAAAK0/NPRRnCH6iEw/s1600/photo-4.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 271px; height: 204px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NANbdfW5kFg/T8RFUryFLKI/AAAAAAAAAK0/NPRRnCH6iEw/s400/photo-4.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5747795246084074658" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Finn: We're in our bunk beds.<br /><br />Reid: Oh!! I forgot to <span style="font-style: italic;">pray</span>!<br /><br />(what in the shit?)<br /><br />Reid: wanna see how I pray?<br /><br />Me: Hell yes I do!<br /><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-15H84PIhl8Q/T8RF4L7W2cI/AAAAAAAAALA/eG2WxtZ3i8s/s1600/photo-1.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-15H84PIhl8Q/T8RF4L7W2cI/AAAAAAAAALA/eG2WxtZ3i8s/s400/photo-1.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5747795856008337858" border="0" /></a>............<br /><br />Me: Thats <span style="font-style: italic;">praying</span>? What are you praying <span style="font-style: italic;">to</span>?<br /><br />Reid: ya know, to Budda.<br /><br /> duh.<br /><br />Me: I think you mean meditate? Maybe?<br /><br /><br />Finn: Yeah!! Mesidate! That what I <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">SAID</span>!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e3Vgsp2y780/T8RGvFoehOI/AAAAAAAAALY/dwTRbY6F5rc/s1600/photo-3.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e3Vgsp2y780/T8RGvFoehOI/AAAAAAAAALY/dwTRbY6F5rc/s400/photo-3.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5747796799211341026" border="0" /></a>Me: So, thats meditating?<br /><br />Finn: yep. (slaps my leg) this. (slaps my leg) is mesidateing (slaps my leg <span style="font-style: italic;">again</span>).<br /><br />Me: Dude, why (slaps me again) are you (slaps me again)<br /> HEY, why are you (slap) HEY!!! What the <span style="font-style: italic;">hell</span>?!? (slap)<br /><br />Finn: I am using my senses, my eyes are (slapity slap) closed, but I know (slap) that your there (double slap)<br /><br />ME: yeah, that cause (slap)<br /> <span style="font-weight: bold;">HEY!!</span> The next time you slap me, I am gonna slap you back.<br /><br />Finn: Okay Mom.<br /><br />Me: And also your doing it totally wrong. Your suppose to sit relax, and breath deeply.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pekd2PfLZYs/T8RH063J_kI/AAAAAAAAALk/CCzOsYk-zjk/s1600/photo-2.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pekd2PfLZYs/T8RH063J_kI/AAAAAAAAALk/CCzOsYk-zjk/s400/photo-2.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5747797998910963266" border="0" /></a>Better. "A" for wide open mouth breathing effort.<br /><br /><br />Dont fucking slap me again.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-26949631509100437182012-05-18T13:46:00.003-07:002012-05-18T16:20:43.050-07:00So I got a new cell phone. Siri lives in it. Siri is this bitch you can say really fucked up shit to, and she never gets pissed. Sometimes she can help you with shit, like how to get places, how to cook quinoa, texting while driving, making shopping lists, that type of shit. Anyway, Siri was suppose to change my life, and do all my shit for me. Shes not holding up her end of the bargain.<br /><br />I asked her to remind me about something funny that Finn said. With Siri's help, I was finally going to start blogging again!!! I was going to be able to use her to help me remember all the funny shit for like 2 hours, cause there is no fucking way, I could remember ANYTHING for 2 hours. Well, 3 days later, I go to check it. Heres what it says:<br /><br />"Blog about James China man and about him asking what Ohlone."<br /><br />Thanks Bitch. "ohlone"??? Is that even a fucking word? Is it SIRI? IS IT EVEN A FUCKING WORD?*<br /><br />So, I thought about, for like 2 hours. Ironic, no? And finally remembered what it was. Of course, even the great Finn may fail, after a build up like that, but, here goes:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">As I am putting Finn to bed</span><br /><br />he has his eyes closed, this far away smile on his face, and hes grabbing at his chest and tossing some invisible something out in the air.<br /><br />Finn: That was me, throwing hearts to aaaaallllll the girls.<br /><br />Me: Well isnt that sweet, my little ladies man.<br /><br />Finn: (smile replaced with scowl. serious. as. shit.) <span style="font-style: italic;">What</span> did you just call me?<br /><br />Me: Uh, "Ladies Man"?<br /><br />Finn: (relived) Oh, okay. I thought you called me "China Man"<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">In the car</span><br /><br />Finn: If you are alone, you are all my your self. Right mom?<br /><br />Me: Yes Finn.<br /><br />Finn: Mom, what does "alone" mean?<br /><br />Me: Just what you said. It means you dont have anyone with you, you are all by your self.<br /><br />Finn: THATS WHAT I SAID.<br /><br />Me: I KNOW thats what you said, I said you were right.<br /><br />Finn: I know I am right. (long pause) What does "alone" mean?<br /><br />Also, he wanted me to know, that when he says the Pledge of Allegiance, instead of saying:<br /><br />"one nation, under god" he says:<br /><br />"one nation, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD" Like all, pissy and angry and shit. That should be interesting in Kindergarten.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />*It's a Native American Indian tribe, FYI.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-67041494861750883512012-01-24T12:01:00.000-08:002012-01-24T12:22:46.707-08:00Finn, On The Life Of a Busy 4 Year Old;<br /><br />Finn is sitting in Daddys chair, watching Disney Jr, cuddling Monkey and sucking his thumb.<br /><br />Finn: (looooong sigh) It a BIG day today.<br /><br />Me: Oh really, what so "big" about it?<br /><br />Finn: Ya know Mom, just, lots to do today.<br /><br />Me: Why? What have you done besides sit on your ass and watch TV today?<br /><br />Finn: Well, I am just gonna build a lot of machines and stuff, so, its gonna be big.<br /><br /> Hey, MOM. <span style="font-weight: bold;">I HAVE TO GO PEE, SO IAM GONNA GO IS THAT OKAY!!!!???</span><br style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Me: Jesus Finn, yes. I have told you a thousand time you don't have to clear it with me before you piss, and I am <span style="font-weight: bold;">RIGHT HERE, </span>so you don't have to yell either.<br /><br />Finn: (In the bathroom) Okay, go pee, wash my hands and get back to watchin' TV.<br /><br /><br />On Puppets;<br /><br />Finn: Hey Mom, Grandma has this finger puppet, its a butterfly!<br /><br />Me: Cool, sounds pretty.<br /><br />Finn: Well, actually it a moth, and you have to stick your finger up its butthole.<br /><br />Reid: Yeah *sigh* sometimes you have to do that.<br /><br /> Thankfully he didn't make mention of the squirrel puppet you have to fist.<br /><br /><br /><br />On Good Parenting:<br /><br />Finn: When I grow up, I am NEVER gonna spank my kids.<br /><br />Me: Oh yeah? Never? You just going to let them do what ever they want?<br /><br />Finn: No! When they do something bad, I am just gonna kick 'em in the junk.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Reid, On Listening;<br /><br />Reid: Hey Mom, tell Dad about your day today.<br /><br />Me: What about it?<br /><br />Reid: Tell him how busy it was. Like you were telling us in the car.<br /><br />Me: Oh, he knows how busy it was, he knows allll about it.<br /><br />Reid: Just tell him, ya know like you told us, like "Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, took a shower, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.<br /><br />Me: Clearly <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> conversation was a waste of time. Is that what you think I did all day? Take a shower.<br /><br />Reid: Yeah.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-4095163217260491412011-12-07T11:26:00.000-08:002011-12-07T11:37:51.352-08:00Finn scale - 9Finn: Do you wanna play freeze tag Sammy???<br /><br />Sammy: meeeeerrroooww.<br /><br />Finn: No? Yes? No? (laying on top of her) Do you wanna play golf? No? Yeah?<br /><br />Sammy: MEEERRRROOOWWW<br /><br />Finn: Oh, okay, you wanna be petted? Like this?<br /><br />Sammy: MEERRROOOOOOOOW HIIISSSS!<br /><br />Finn: Oh, okay, like this? <br /><br />Sammy: HIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSS!<br /><br />Finn: No? Oh, sorry. Like this??<br /><br />Sammy: MEEEERRRRRROOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW HIIIIIISSSSSSSS!<br /><br />Finn: Okay, Sammy, Okay, Ill go away.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Finn: Mom you hold this (cardbord wrapping paper tube) and sa-weeze (squeeze) it and sa-weeze it, and if it bends, don't give it back to me, and if it doesn't bend, give it back to me.<br /><br />Me: Okay (squeezing the tube, bending the tube) it bent. (holding the tube)<br /><br />Finn: No. Mom! Sa-weeze it, and sa-weeze it, and it <span style="font-style: italic;">if</span> bends..<br /><br />Me: it did, it bent so I am not giving it back right?<br /><br />Finn: NO. No, no, no, no, no. HOLD the tube. Okay Mom? SA-WEEZE it and sa-weeze it. If it <span style="font-style: italic;">doesn't</span> bend keep trying.<br /><br />Me: It did bend. It already did.<br /><br />Finn: NO. Mom. Will you <span style="font-style: italic;">listen</span>? Sa-weez it. And keep trying to sa-weeze it, and <span style="font-style: italic;">if</span> it bends, <span style="font-style: italic;">don't</span> give it back to me. Understand. Do you <span style="font-style: italic;">understand</span>?<br /><br />Me: *throws self in to on coming traffic, and head explodes at the same time*your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-7717636354785892332011-10-13T13:26:00.000-07:002011-10-13T21:34:59.832-07:00Finn in the car: Here mom heres a heart for you, I made wif my hands!!<br />Me: Thank you Finn! Thats so sweet!!<br />Finn: I will give you <i>all </i>the hearts, of <i>all</i> the dead things I find, ever.<br /><br />*crickets*<br /><br /><br />Me: Um, Finn, I appreciate the sentiment, but I dont really want the hearts of a bunch of dead things.<br />Finn: Haha! No, no ,no Mom! *shakes head* Silly Mom!<br />Me: Oh, so you didnt mean...<br />Finn: Not to put <i>inside</i> you. (wait for it)....its for your <span style="font-style: italic;">collection</span>.<br /><br />AHAHAHHAHAHA!!! This child is terrifying. Happy October ya'll!!!<br /><br />If you like my "writing*" you can check out my new cooking-ish blog-ish. <a href="http://healthyshitforyou.blogspot.com/">Healthy Shit</a>.<br /><br />*rambling and cussing.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-53050908507437195992011-09-28T20:30:00.000-07:002011-09-28T20:43:00.829-07:00Nazis and creative killing (totally unrelated)Finn: Hey Mom, I was looking in the Nazi part of the car, and..<br /><br />Me: The what now? The what part of the car?<br /><br />Finn: The NAZI part Mom. God. You know that Nazi part, where all the stuff I cant touch is. NAZI.<br /><br />Me: What the hell are you talking about?<br /><br />Finn: The Nazi part. There is your seat, and Dads seat, and then in the middle there is that spot...<br /><br />Me: The NOT SEAT part?<br /><br />Finn: yeah Mom, geeze what did you THINK I was saying!?!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Bedtime. Snuggled up with Finny<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Finn: Mom, I don't want you to die. I don't EVER want you to die.<br /><br />Me: Oh finny, don't worry, I am not going to die!<br /><br />Finn: But Mom, when I am a grown up, and your old, I don't want you to die! I ll be so sad when you die. If I need you, you wont be there cause you'll be died.<br /><br />Me: Finn. I am going to be around for a long time, go to sleep, Ill be here in the morning, I promise.<br /><br />Finn: But...*looking down, sad eyes* what if you get killed by a stone skeleton?<br /><br />Me: I don't even know what that is. Don't worry about it.<br /><br />Finn: *lips curling up, slow grin* What if you get died by an invisible monster with a crossbow?<br /><br />Me: I am not gong to get died by a monster with an invisible cross bow...<br /><br />Finn: No! HES invisible, not his crossbow *happy eyebrows, full face smile*<br /><br />Me: Now I am pretty sure your trying to kill me off...<br /><br />Finn: No Mom, I am really worried!! What if, a Mombie hunts you down and you get run over by a car *bouncing up and down, clapping hands*.<br /><br />Me: Ooookay, Goodnight!<br /><br />Finn: OH! Tractors!!! Out of an airplaine!!!your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-26470749146317683512011-09-09T20:58:00.000-07:002011-09-09T21:10:27.208-07:00dont be selfish bitchesI am really, really tired, and a little bit drunk, but I wanna post this before I forget, or pass out or vomit or something so here goes:<br /><br /><br />- Reid thinks bitches who dye their perfectly good brown hair blond are selfish (good luck with him ladies of the world)<br /><br />- Finn thinks we should be "space family" for Halloween, with your truly as, you guessed it Uranus. It really dosent matter what planets the rest of the family will go as, he was <span style="font-style: italic;">very</span> clear that Mom will be Uranus.<br /><br />- Reid is pretty sure, that if he could grow out an afro, it would miraculously cure him of nose picking.<br /><br />Thank you and good night.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-48925701466952012942011-08-31T19:52:00.000-07:002011-09-15T12:06:17.945-07:00fantisies of neglectHoly shit you guys. Holy. SHIT.<br /><br /> That could pretty much some up my week. Back to school is a dirty, pushy whore with festering herpes. Not school <span style="font-style: italic;">it self</span> mind you, but the entire season, known as "back-to-school". From the first asshole at Walmart, who airs the first commercial in July, to, about Halloween. I know, a lot of Moms LOVE back to school, and maybe, someday, when my kids are at the same damn school, and both there all damn day, I will be able to enjoy it too. But for now, why in the shit would I want to give up sleep in, lazy beach days, for getting up early, endless bitching (from all of us), and being a fucking taxi, in what is ALWAYS the hottest time of year in SD. (When the powers that be can figure this out and let the kids out in July, and back at the end of Sept, I will be so amazed, I will lick my own ass. I will. I swear.)<br /><br />Anyway, in between all the bitching (okay, okay, mostly me), and tears (me again), and UNHOLY fits being thrown in public, resulting in bite marks, and head lumps (me, on the <span style="font-style: italic;">receiving</span> end of this shit), they have said a few things that have made me smile through my tears.<br /><br />Finn (on the way home from dropping Reid at school today): Mom, You <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> need to have another baby.<br /><br />Me (emotionless from all the meds): Why in the world would I do that?<br /><br />Finn: Because I NEED another brother. I <span style="font-style: italic;">gotta have</span> another brother. Maybe a couple more brothers. I <span style="font-style: italic;">need</span> more brothers mooooom, I neeeeeeeed some.<br /><br />Me: Finn if I have another baby, I wont have as much time to spend with you and Reidy.<br /><br />Finn: I <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> dont care 'bout that mom. I just need more brothers.<br /><br />Me: why do you need them so bad?<br /><br />Finn: Cause Daddy has ALL those brothers, and I want a lot of brothers too. Come on mom. More brothers.<br /><br />(A special thinks to Kate, Dale, Alan and Jeri, for giving me this standard to live up to)<br /><br />Reid: Mom, do you know what my favorite day ever would be?<br /><br />Me: No Reid, what?<br /><br />Reid: If I got up in the morning, and started playing video games, and then you forgot about me <span style="font-style: italic;">all day</span>, and I played all day long, till <span style="font-style: italic;">Daddy</span> got home, and was like "Wheres Reid?" And you'd be like "Oh! I <span style="font-style: italic;">guess</span> hes <span style="font-style: italic;">still</span> playing video games, I forgot all about him"<br /><br />Me: so...your best day ever...is if your Mother forgets you exist. That right? I got that right?<br /><br />Reid: Yeah. Just until the night. Its okay Mom, I wouldn't be mad or anything.<br /><br /><br />Moral of the stories, my children, not unlike myself, fantasize about being neglected. Cant say I fucking blame 'em. I think we could ALL use a little neglect around here.your momhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02941092640894848997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5495194177698780118.post-35774769532134222162011-07-24T08:51:00.000-07:002011-07-24T22:14:44.301-07:00Why I do not have, or need a wiener, by Kate McCord, grade 13It has recently come to my attention, through myself, that I need to write a short essay for my children to read when they get older, so they know exactly how much shit they gave me about not having a wiener, and how much I do not give a shit about having a wiener (this is also for my husband, who is pretty sure I have penis envy).<br /><br />I will be using the essay format I was taught in school (before I stopped trying, and started partying, so, like what, middle school? Who knows.)<br /><br /> I am a woman. I do not have a dick. That is okay with me. I do not want, or need one. Every time one of my children see me naked, or anytime the subject of pork swords comes up (which, if you read my blog, you will know that is on a very regular basis) they feel the need to ask me why I don't have one, ask me how it is possible to survive without one, and pity me for not having one. This sequence of crank questions is always the same : inquiry, dismay, empathetic sadness.<br /><br /> Getting dressed in my room: <br /><br />Finn: Mom, why don't you have a pee pee?<br />Me: For the love of GOD Finn, I do.<br />Reid: Yeah Finn, remember, she does, it just inside? (pats me on the back, tells me "its going to be okay")<br /><br /> In the car:<br /><br />Finn: Hey Mom? <br />Me: What up?<br />Finn: When is your Pee pee gonna grow out?<br />Me: Finn, I HAVE a pee pee, it is NEVER gonna "grow out". My pee pee is awesome, it works just fine, and it is called a "vagina". It doesn't hang off my crotch, looking ridiculous, and getting in my way all the time, it is tucked neatly up, and out of the way, and I am very happy with it. Okay?<br />Finn: Okay.<br /> Mom?<br />Me: Yes Finn?<br />Finn: When is your "BAGINA" gonna grow out?<br /><br /><br /> At the store:<br /><br />Finn: Mom, did your wiener pee pee fall off?<br />Me: Finn, seriously listen to me. Look at me...LOOK at me. Stay. Listen...wait, LOOK AT ME. Okay, stay, lis...LOOOOOOK AAAT ME! Listen. My pee pee did not fall off. I am not a goddamn amputee. You do not need to feel sorry for me. I am SO not sad that I don't have a trouser snake. It is something I would NEVER think about if you little fuckers didn't bring it up all the time. Chicks. Don't. Have. Dicks. Got it? I am a chick, I don't have a dick. I don't know any other way to get through to you.<br />Finn: Whats a "trouser snake"?<br />Albertson's employee: Miss (they totally don't call me "Miss" anymore, they "Mame" me, those assholes, but this is my story so) Excuse me, Miss? We're going to have to ask you to take this conversation outside please. AND, you look WAY to young and beautiful, to have two kids!*<br /><br /> In closing, I'd like to remind my family that I am a woman. I would also like to ask a family with all chicks out there, its it as much fun as I imagine it to be? Do you ladies sit around painting each others toe nails, and brushing each others hair, and watching movies without guns and explosions and blood, and talking about how awesome your uterus's, and ovaries and fallopian tubes are? That's what I imagine, that and a whole lot of PMSing.<br /><br />*my story fuckers.Bitch Asshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18243140594129826014noreply@blogger.com3