Inspired by my Father in laws "quote book", it will only be the funniest, and most though provoking of statements, I am gonna try not to do too much mushy shit, its just for laughs after all.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

You, what now?

When Finn says "spit" it sound just like "shit".

Imagine my surprise when he came in today telling me (or so I thought), that he had just taken a giant steamy crap in the street! I was trotting out there, camera in hand, but no, just an almost dried up little puddle. So disappointing, I really thought we had something there, oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Finn's poo-rant

video

So bummed I only caught the tail end of this. Finn is prone to loud, angry ranting while on the toilet, this should go over well in preschool...and yes, he does this EVERY time hes on the shitter, no exceptions.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

fat ass

Totally forgot the BEST thing Finn said on our trip. We were in the shower a the campsite, and I had gathered up all the stuff we needed, shampoo, body wash, conditioner, etc, and was bending over to put it down in the corner of the shower...

Finn: "Whoa Mom! Your butt is GIANT! Oh my god, its so GIANT when you put it right in my face!"

LOVE the use of the word GIANT here! Shit kid, "big" would suffice, but no, GIANT.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I am so funny.

Finns new favorite phrase "Iam so funny" oh shit, were in trouble now.


Me: Why dont you go outside with Dada?

Finn: Why? What he gonna do out dare? Mayve hes gonna poop out dare? Mayve hes gonna poop in da grass out dare?

Me: Yea, I doubt it, but anythings possible.

Finn: *wistfully* I wish he would poop in da grass out dare...Hee hee, I am so funny.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Assholes

Ok, so I know this blog is suppose to be the stuff my kids say. I am not nearly as charming as those towheads, (and I do have a really good, but a little embarrassing one of Finnys after this) but, I thought for those of you who dont know me (yea right like I have any followers who dont know me...wait I have one, Hi Taylor!) you might like a little insight as to where my kids come up with the shit they say. I mentioned on FB that I assulted, and verbaly abused a seagull, on our, what can only be described as Fucking Glorious (I love how in type you have no idea if I am being serious or sarcastic here), family trip to Lake Tahoe, but I didnt get into the sordid detail of this crime. Here is the story exactly as it happened....

I was minding my own business (ritz crackers), when a seagull started to approach me, I said to this seagull, and I quote "I will bash your head in Fuck Face", and proceeded to nail him, in the skull, with a half full gatorade bottle.

Now, the reason I want you to hear this story, is because, like most of my cussing rants, I had NO IDEA I was even thinking this until it had already come out of my mouth. One time, I walked in the house and said "Holy fucking shit balls of fire, whats with all the fucking ants." And here's the thing, I didn't even know I had said it, until our roommate repeated it back to me. I think I was pregnant with Finn at the time, thus and suchly, I believe it is genetic, just like homosexuality (POLITICAL SNEAK IN!)

So, I nailed a seagull, and the biggest pity is that there was only one witness, because really, it was a beautiful fucking shot. And you know what, don't get all PETA on me cause I don't even kill spiders in my house! I take 'em out side in a cup and set them free. And once, I pegged a squirrel in the head with a rock (because he got a little too close to my Nacho Cheese Doritos) and I felt really bad about it, cause I didn't mean to hit him, I was just trying to get him to back the fuck off, (Nach-yo Cheese fuckin' squirrel!) But I don't feel bad about the seagull, and I'd do it again, ya know why? Because FUCK SEAGULLS, that's why. And fuck geese too.


On to Finn. He was watching his favorite movie, Spaceballs, (I don't know how this happened, I didn't really remember how bad spaceballs was till I sat down and watched it with them one day, and good god, well by then the damage had already been done), so it was at the part where he says "How many assholes I got on this ship?" and Finn says in bewilderment, staring at the TV, "Even black aths-holths?! MOM! They even have Black Aths-holths!" Wait! He was totally talking about their uniforms!! See for your selves!






See the guys on the top floor in the back? Black uniform assholes. I was rollin' anyway...an important lesson to be learned here, "Yes dear, assholes come in all colors, sizes, shapes and sexual orentaions! We are in fact, as Dark Helmet so eloquently put it "surrounded by assholes." Ahhhh, the warm fuzzy feeling I get from teaching my children about diversity, I think these lessons will take them far in life! I really, really do, kudos to me.