Inspired by my Father in laws "quote book", it will only be the funniest, and most though provoking of statements, I am gonna try not to do too much mushy shit, its just for laughs after all.

Friday, March 11, 2011

A short lesson in making your Mom think she is losing her fucking mind, by Finn:

Finn: Mom, what is the ice thing, that has fruit and ice, and and a stick in it?

Me: a Popsicle?

Finn: Is it frozen?

Me: The Popsicle? Yeah its frozen.

Finn: Did I say frozen?

Me: Yeah, is it a Popsicle that your talking about?

Finn: Is what a Popsicle?

Me: What your asking about?

Finn: What?


Finn: Mom, I have no idea what you are talking about.

And now, to make her feel like a lazy loser:

Finn: Mom, why is it called a "yoga mat"?

Me: Because I do yoga on it, and its a mat. I lay on the floor on it.

Finn: You lay on it....and that is your exercise? Laying on it? Ok Mom, wah-ever you say.

And finally, a recipe for my kitchen to yours. I pretty much have this every morning. It is really frustrating that I cant seem to learn my lesson.

Mixed berry almond cinnamon oatmeal:

1. Pour some oats in a bowl, put some milk on that shit.

2. Add a little cinnamon (NOT Cumin, it will NOT taste the same, trust me)

3. Spill too much almond extract in the bowl, (try to scoop some out, go ahead try, its clear).

4. Cut up some... strawberries, but be too lazy to dirty a cutting board, so just use your hand (the blood adds a nice little something).

5. Toss in a handfull of blueberries ( make sure half of the handfull ends up rolling all over the god damn kitchen floor, call your 4 year old in to stomp the crap out of them)

6.Put it in the microwave for about 30 sec too long ( causing the entire thing to boil over all over the mother fucking microwave)

Clean all that shit up, and start over AFTER coffee.

Your welcome.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

America. Fuck yeah.

Finn is bounding through the Target parking lot, in his Bwack Sider Man costume, swinging his lasso with wild abandon.

Finn: Mom. I been finking about it, and what I really wanna do, is I wanna kill a bird.

Me: Finn, I, I just, what is wrong with you? Why would you want to kill a bird?

Finn: No, no, no, no, no, Mom. Not just a bird, an eagle. (evils grin, stares dreamily off in the distance)

Me: An eagle. Finn. Really? I am seriously disturbed. Eagles are awesome. They are beautiful, majestic birds. Not to mention I am pretty sure they are on the endangered species list, I mean protected, at the very least. We're probably talking about some serious fines, possible prison time. I want to be the kind of Mom that supports your passions, even if your passion is murdering symbols of American freedom, but can you at least give me a reason why?

Finn: Be-CAUSE-AH, they eat-AH, all your food-AH, ought the beach-AH!

Me: Oh.... Yeah. Well, yeah. I can totally get on board with the seagull killing, they suck, you just say the word kid, we'll go kill our selves some seagulls.

I am an old pro after all, in case you have forgotten.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Finn's mind is easily blown.

On the way to preschool...

Me: Hey Finn, Shellsea might be in your preschool class next year.

Finn: What?!?!

Me: Shellsea might be in you preschool class next year.

Finn: What?!?

Me: Finn, I am sure you heard me, why do you keep saying what?

Finn: Because that's much a pot a poopy poop, a dar far mingo.


Finn: What?

Me: What?

Finn: What?


Finn: I said "what?"

Me: No, before that.

Finn: Mom, I have no idea what you are talking about.

Driving Past Winchell's

Finn: Mom! Did you see that! A police man?!?! In a donut shop!?!?!

Me: Yeah, Finn. Did that just blow your mind, or what?

Finn Yeah. Man, that was weird!