Inspired by my Father in laws "quote book", it will only be the funniest, and most though provoking of statements, I am gonna try not to do too much mushy shit, its just for laughs after all.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Park Time Fun!

I don't really know what was more fun at the park this morning, listening to little bitches talk shit to their parents, or listening to a young childless dude talk to his dog. You can be the judge. Oh, and before you judge me for getting all my kicks by eves-dropping on other peoples conversations, instead of watching the joy on my child's faces as they frolic, let me remind you, to fuck off. And also, that you never know when I may be listening to your conversation! MUHAHAHAHA!

Little bitch: DAD! Don't follow me!!!

Pussy Dad: I am not, I am going my own way.

Little Bitch: Don't go your own way either!

Pussy Dad: Sorry, I am just trying to get back to the playground from the ice cream truck.

Little Bitch: WELL STOP! GOD!

Me: Hey Pops! Why you take that ice cream cone and eat it in front of her really slowly making "yum yum" noises while she bawls her stupid little eyes out? Better yet, why don't you slap her in her ugly face with it. Both very good ideas, your choice.

ok, so I didn't really say the last part, but I swear to you, on a bunch of holy shit I don't believe in, that the rest is true. She is going to make an AWESOME wife one day.

Childless dude while a little girl approaches his giant dog:

Him: You have to ask to pet the dog!

Little girl: (Pets dog without asking any-fucking way)

Him: Your really should ask first!

Little girl: (Looks him square in the eye, pets the fucking dog again, walks away)

Him (to dog): Bad dog. You should have bit her face off like I taught you to do when they don't ask first.

Not what you were expecting right? Is that not amazing?!?! Yeah, pretty sure that one wins.


  1. i would have just walked up and given Dog Guy all the money that i had in my wallet, said thank you, and walked away. he is my personal hero for the week.

  2. Lovelovelooove this post! I listen to what other people say all the time when they think no one's listening - people talking on cell phones and walking around aimlessly are the best!

    Girl wandering by the dressing rooms @ Hot Topic: Yeah so my ass was pressed up against the window, and I had no idea there were people on the other side!

    (pause)Do you think my ass is too big? 'Cause I would just DIE if it was...

    *Snickering on the other side of the dressing room door as I'm trying not to bust out laughing full volume at the fact that this girl didn't care if someone saw her bare butt, but did care if it looked too big!* Haha...

    Christina has a link to your blog on her Facebook - I'm glad she put it there. :) Jenny

  3. I totally feel her. Ya'll can look at my ass all day long, as long as you tell me its rad. (I don't care if it really is rad, I just want to be told it is)