Your father is dead inside

It has recently been brought to my attention that I have not posted in a while. All I have to say, I completely blame it on my kids. They just really haven't been that funny lately. I don't know what their f-ing problem is.

Me: Alright you little crotch fruit, you really need to come up with something funny, mama needs some new material for her blog.

Ok, are you ready? Set? Say something funny....


Spawn: Goo goo, gaa gaa, poo poo pee pee.

Me: Really? That's the best you've got? Come ON you guys, what do you think this is Grandmas house? That shit is SO not up to par with you usual.

Spawn: Ca ca doodie, butt face head.

Me: Your totally not even trying, I am super disappointed in you, I am prepared to with hold love until this situation is resolved.

(Please dont send me hate mail about how big of an asshole I am, obviously, Iam blurring the line between reality, and fantasy here. Ah fantasy, the sweet, sweet fantasy of calling your children "crotch fruit*")

update:

Finn had a pretty good jab for Dada this morning. He has been kind of a jerk to his Pops lately. Most likely because I do what I said I would never do, as in, "wait till your Dad gets home!!!!!" I know! I swore I would never do it, but you know what, I just cant scare those little shits like he can. I spank 'em and they laugh, he says its all in the wrist, but shit, I just cant seem to get it. But I digress.


I told him he had been being so mean to Daddy lately, its making Daddy really sad, and breaking his heart. His dead pan response to me, "Daddy doesn't have a heart"

aaaaaand scene.


*"crotch fruit" is from the brilliant collective minds of the MWDS.